Your Grief Journey
You are likely visiting this page because your beloved companion has died. “I’m sorry for your loss” seems trite and overused to express my empathy for you, but I really am so very sorry. Please know that you are not alone in your time of loss. We want to help you on your path to healing. Grief counseling is available with Amy Fisher, our licensed counselor, for those who need or want it. You can join as an individual or a family. We understand that losing a companion can be just as painful as losing human family. They are there for us every day and help make our lives worth living. It is normal for many to feel this loss profoundly; the relationship they had with their pet was one of the most profound in their lives. We hope to help you on your path to healing so you can one day enjoy that bond with another pet again if you so choose.
Some people do not understand the depth of this loss. Some may even imply that you are over-reacting. Hear me when I say: Your feelings are what they are. The fact that you have these feelings means that you need to have them. Never let ANYONE shame you over feelings of love and loss.
As you process your grief and begin to mourn, it is normal to feel strong and conflicting emotions. Shock and disbelief, confusion, physical symptoms, anger, guilt and regret, sadness and depression, and relief and release are all normal feelings. If you are having difficulty processing, please reach out to us, family, friends, or support groups online. There are several hotlines listed below.
The Pet Lover’s Code by Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D.
ten inalienable rights after the death of a special companion animal
Though you should reach out to other as you journey through grief, you should not feel obligated to accept the unhelpful responses you may receive from some people. You are the one who is grieving, and as such, you have certain “rights” no one should try to take away from you.
The following list is intended both to empower you to heal and to decide how others can and cannot help. This is not to discourage you from reaching out to others for help, but rather to assist you in distinguishing useful responses from hurtful ones.
You have the right to grieve the death of a pet.
You loved you pet. You pet loved you. You had a strong and profound relationship. You have every right to grieve this death. You need to grieve this death. You also need to mourn this death (express your grief outside yourself).
You have the right to talk about your grief.
Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk about your grief. Other pet lovers who have experienced the death of a pet often make good listeners at this time. If at times you don’t feel like talking, you also have the right to be silent.
You have the right to feel a variety of emotions.
Confusion, anger, guilt, and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey after the death of a pet. Feelings aren’t right or wrong; they just are.
You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.
After the death of a pet, your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don’t allow others to push you into doing things you don’t feel like doing.
You have the right to experience “griefbursts”.
Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but it is normal and natural.
You have the right to make use of ceremony.
After a pet dies, you can harness the power of ceremony to help you heal. Plan a ceremony that includes everyone who loved your pet.
You have the right to embrace your spirituality.
At times of loss, it is natural to turn to your faith or spirituality. Engaging your spirituality by attending church or other place or worship, praying, or spending time alone in nature may help you better understand and reconcile your loss.
You have the right to search for meaning.
You may find yourself asking, “Why did my pet die? Why this way? Why now?” Some of your questions may have answers, but some may not. Ask them anyway.
You have the right to treasure your memories.
Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of a special companion animal. Instead of ignoring your memories, find ways to capture them and treasure them always.
You have the right to move toward your grief and heal.
Reconciling your grief after the death of your pet may not happen quickly. Remember, grief is best experienced in “doses”. Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of a beloved companion animal changes your life forever.
Online Resources
There are many other resources available to you. Here are a few we have gathered for you:
IAAPHC- Common questions about hospice care and pet loss.
Veterinary Wisdom- support resources, help with decision making.
Animal Health Foundation- Overview of a grieving process.
Little Things- Memorial ideas for your pet.
Pet Loss Grief Support, Rainbow Bridge & Candle Ceremony- Chat rooms and messaging boards with others who are grieving their own losses where you can help support others, world-wide candle ceremony, tribute pages, and reading material to help you get through your loss.
The Pet Loss Support Page- articles on pet loss, links to pet loss hotlines.
The Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement-articles on pet loss, memorial ideas, trained grief counselors online, links to pet loss hotlines.
Best Friends- links to pet loss hotlines, book resources, and articles
Pet Loss Hotline: (855) 352-LOVE (5683).
Light a Candle- allows you to light a candle online to honor your companion.
Recommended Reading
for adults
A Child’s View of Grief: A Guide for Parents, Teachers, and Counselors
Coping with Sorrow on the Loss of Your Pet
Going Home: Finding Peace When Pets Die
Goodbye, Friend: Healing Wisdom for Anyone Who Has Ever Lost a Pet
Kindred Spirits: How the Remarkable Bond Between Humans and Animals Can Change the Way We Live
The Kingdom of Heart: A Pet Loss Journal
The Legacy of Beezer and Boomer: Lessons on Living and Dying from My Canine Brothers
When Your Pet Dies: A Guide to Mourning, Remembering, and Healing
For Children
Cat Heaven Ages 4-7
Dog Heaven Ages 4-7
Goodbye Mousie Ages 4-8
I’ll Always Love You Ages 4-7
My Pet Died: A Coloring Book for Grieving Children Ages 3-8
A Special Place for Charlee: A Child’s Companion Through Pet Loss Ages 8-12
The Tenth Good Thing about Barney Ages 6-9
Tough Boris Ages 4-7
When a Pet Dies Ages 4-8
Remember, your grief is genuine and deserving of support. Do not hesitate to reach out to us, family, friends, or support groups online if you need help.